MASON RUDOLPH 1000 PERCENT SURE – ABOUT A BILLION REASONS TO DOUBT PITTSBURGH QB

By STEVE KING

I’m wondering about the level of intelligence of the Pittsburgh Steelers’ Mason Rodolph, or Rudolph Mason, or whatever the heck his name is (Oh, I just can’t keep track of the millions of middling quarterbacks who have no business playing in the NFL).

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Anyway, as the he-said, he-said between Myles Garrett and him moves right along, with Pittsburgh head coach Mike Tomlin now getting involved and predictably saying that he does not believe Mason Rudolph – or Rudolph Mason — called the Browns defensive end the N-word at the end of the teams’ game last Nov. 14 in Cleveland, Rudolph says he denies the accusation “1,000 percent.”

Hmmm, “1,000 percent,” huh?

I’m just a public-school kid, but I’m pretty sure that there is no such thing as “1,000 percent.” Is Rudolph Mason – or Mason Rudolph — aware of that?

I mean, a quarterback can’t complete 14 passes if he attempts only 10. You can’t drink seven beers out of an Iron City six-pack. And so on and so forth.  

The limit in anything – football, foosball and futball, and even the non-sports stuff – is 100 percent. There is no such thing as 101 percent or 155 percent or 277 percent, and especially not 1,000 percent.

Or is Mason Rudolph – or Rudolph Mason — just like those silly, drama-filled middle-schoolers who exaggerate everything under the sun?

“There were about a billion kids on the playground today.”

“They gave me a thousand french fries with my hamburger.”

“There are about a hundred rivers that form the confluence outside Heinz Field.” No, there are only three.

So, then, if Rudolph Mason – or Mason Rudolph, or Rudolph the Red-Nosed Steeler – is going to stretch the truth like a piece of taffy by saying “1,000 percent” when no such thing exists, what else is the guy not being honest about?

We can only surmise.

We can also only surmise why a quarterback, of all people, would twist the face mask of a defensive end who had already beaten him to a pulp in Cleveland’s 21-7 win. Does Mason Rudolph – or Rudolph Mason – also slap alligators in the snout or punch grizzly bears in the stomach, to get a rise out of them?

Let’s keep in mind, too, that Rudolph Mason’s – or Mason Rudolph’s – version of “twist and shout” is what caused this melee that involved about 500 players each from the Browns and Steelers.

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