AVOID THE PRO BOWL AT ALL COSTS

By STEVE KING

The Pro Bowl today will be held Sunday.

Kickoff will be at 3 p.m., and it will be televised by broadcasting partners ABC and ESPN.

I say this with all the enthusiasm that comes with watching a traffic light change, or doing the laundry.

Yea!

I won’t watch. Again.

And I imagine that the vast majority of you won’t watch. Again.

I love football, just as you love football, but I won’t watch the Pro Bowl, which has decomposed into the worst football game in the history of football games. I wouldn’t even consider watching unless the NFL was paying me – lots and lot of cash. But the league isn’t paying me anything at all – and never will – so I will never watch.

I don’t know what I will watch.

Probably college basketball. I don’t care who’s playing, but any college basketball game – I love college basketball – is better than watching the Pro Bowl.

What else would be better than watching the Pro Bowl?

Anything.

Even C-Span.

D-Span.

Spic and Span commercials.

The View.

Re-runs of The View.

A sit-down interview with Roseanne Barr.

An arm-wrestling match between Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi.

A tutorial on how to change a light bulb.

Anything about the Kardashians.

Anything about the person who came up with the idea for The View.

The View in slow-motion.

The View in fast-motion.

An episode of The View played in reverse.

Every episode – ever – of The View.

Political ads.

A weather forecast for the South Pole.

The North Pole.

Fenway Park’s Pesky’s Pole.

A breakdown of the best oil-change commercials of all-time.

A crawdad eating contest.

The 50 greatest bath towels of all-time.

A bowl game between the two worst teams in college football.

A debate about the best way to rinse dishes.

Am I making myself clear?

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