AVOID THE PRO BOWL AT ALL COSTS
By STEVE KING
The Pro Bowl today will be held Sunday.
Kickoff will be at 3 p.m., and it will be televised by broadcasting partners ABC and ESPN.
I say this with all the enthusiasm that comes with watching a traffic light change, or doing the laundry.
Yea!
I won’t watch. Again.
And I imagine that the vast majority of you won’t watch. Again.
I love football, just as you love football, but I won’t watch the Pro Bowl, which has decomposed into the worst football game in the history of football games. I wouldn’t even consider watching unless the NFL was paying me – lots and lot of cash. But the league isn’t paying me anything at all – and never will – so I will never watch.
I don’t know what I will watch.
Probably college basketball. I don’t care who’s playing, but any college basketball game – I love college basketball – is better than watching the Pro Bowl.
What else would be better than watching the Pro Bowl?
Anything.
Even C-Span.
D-Span.
Spic and Span commercials.
The View.
Re-runs of The View.
A sit-down interview with Roseanne Barr.
An arm-wrestling match between Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi.
A tutorial on how to change a light bulb.
Anything about the Kardashians.
Anything about the person who came up with the idea for The View.
The View in slow-motion.
The View in fast-motion.
An episode of The View played in reverse.
Every episode – ever – of The View.
Political ads.
A weather forecast for the South Pole.
The North Pole.
Fenway Park’s Pesky’s Pole.
A breakdown of the best oil-change commercials of all-time.
A crawdad eating contest.
The 50 greatest bath towels of all-time.
A bowl game between the two worst teams in college football.
A debate about the best way to rinse dishes.
Am I making myself clear?
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